Basically a 6 month update!

Well, here I am back again. New month, new blog post I guess.

Things are going.. well! I’m out; but I still don’t pass so really the only thing giving me apprehension is having to deal with the public. Which right now, if I can just deal with being misgendered and deadnamed I can get anything DONE, it just sucks. I dare not wear a skirt outside yet.

But, I see the changes happening. I feel them too. It’s subtle. But I’ve only been on HRT for 3 months and we are still trying to dial in my doses on things. But – It’s September. I decided this was the path for me to be on in March, so this is my 6 month update. XD

Did I mention being out at work? It’s so amazing. I even got my name changed so that I don’t have to sweat getting my legal name changed just yet. Since I live in Texass, I will have to wait until I’ve been on HRT a year according to some sources; which is fine with me. I’m not trying to be stealth but I despise dealing with the public anyway. People are getting MORE entitled and think they can just say anything they fucking want to anyone anymore. I just want to be left alone, let me wear my mask and fuck off. *sigh* So much for my body, my choice eh? Anyway before this devolves into a rant…

Love your faces. 💜

An Open Letter…

This is an open letter to those I cut out of my life that might eventually read this:

I am sorry. 
I was scared. 
I didn’t know what to do and I panicked.

You know, you think you are ready for anything and you are ready to rely on your friends and nothing’s gonna stand in your way, not tonight!! Transformers power ballad aside, I know I fucked up, and again, I’m sorry.

I was so deathly afraid to transition in the real world, but I needed it so badly that I thought the only solution was to literally isolate myself and just get it done.  But here I am just about 6 months in and I’m feeling sheepish.  Hell if Will Smith can apologize 6 months later, so can I.

If you can’t accept it, I totally get it and it would be for the best if we both just moved on. 

If you can though, please let me know. I’ll get you a beer or something. Thanks.

-Tan

P.S.: If you don’t know if this applies to you it doesn’t. 🙂 Still love you anyway!

P.S.S: If you haven’t guessed since the last blog post – yeah I’m on HRT, it’s been 2 months. Still fat. X(

P.S.S.S.: No I don’t expect estrogen to make me thin, I understand how this.. nevermind.

Oh hello little hidden blog that I never update…

I uh.. came out. I’m trans. MtF. End of update. XD

No really, after hemming and hawing for what 30 some odd years, I finally got down off the damn fence. No wonder I’ve not given a single shit about my appearance, my physical form. My brain is wired so fucky. When everything is going great I’m miserable. But now at least I know the root cause.

I have multiple stories I could point to that should have been ah-ha moments, but I’m just dumb as hell. Wearing female armor on my male character in UO is the earliest virtual thing I can think back to. I do also recall sneakily crossdressing as a teen and loving it. Having a damn near lucid dream of being a woman and having sex many, many times. Oh wow huh you think that would have clued me in?

*sigh* No time to cry over spilled milk ha ha ha

Plan:
1. Lose 200 lbs.
2. Start HRT.
3. See where we go from there.

Ohhhhh my God what am I doing

Sooooooooooooooooooooo yeah

Hi. I guess I GO by Tanandra now. Was just going to be a little lark, oh I’ll just make a female avatar aaaaaand now it’s taking over my identity because I am literally enjoying it so much it saved me from quitting streaming altogether…

Been doing 6 hour streams every day at a minimum since the beginning of the year. After doing 2 hour streams for a year or more.

Now comes the hard part… going through with it.

I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down, and it’s exhilarating and scary and this has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever attempted but also the fucking coolest. It’s controversial. It’s not normal, not mundane, not mediocre I hope. But yet, like everything else in my life not so much that I can’t handle it. I think.

Goodbye 70s.

Hello Tan.

Happy New Year

Been a couple months since I wrote anything in here! Dunno if anyone even READS this but hey, nice to kinda keep tabs on what’s going on.

Starting the new year with a quasi-new schedule. I’m not locking myself into a game on specific days anymore. Monday works for FF just because. Same with Thursday on WF. But even those are up to whatever.

Finally got around to cleaning up the rest of the website with the rebrand, the bookmark icon, etc. There’s still a couple straggler graphics but at this point it’s fine. I’ll update that when I update again.

Stream PC has been consistently better with the CPU heatsink/fan FIRMLY attached, and also learned a thing about USB video capture devices – one per USB controller, period. And it’s been stellar since then. Much less problems with stream.

Having fun streaming again, I just need to stop focusing on the numbers, you know, like I tell everyone else not to focus on the numbers. XD It’s hard not to.

Lots of Updates

Wow it’s been a long time since I did one of these! I’ve spent the last day or so focusing what I work on – meaning, I’ve just shut my Facebook and Instagram down, for all intents and purposes. I mainly only keep my immediate family on Messenger, and I unfriended everyone else, deleted Insta, and going to just ignore TikTok. I’ve been trying to spread myself so thin for so long, it just feels better to not. Focusing on Twitch, Twitter and Discord. Youtube as an afterthought. Feels less stressful. LOL I guess I do that. Hope things are going well for all of you too! -70s

Technology caught up!

Well, mostly! I bit the bullet and bought a used iPhone X which has the FaceID chip in it – and the maker of VSeeFace had enabled integration allowing the use of Waidayo to transmit tracking data to VSeeFace!! So I now have a webcam and an iPhone pointed at my noggin to double the tracking!

It’s smooth as butter. I was also able to get the eyes, eyebrows (mostly) and some other facial expressions working so the duck looks a LOT more alive. I’m much happier.

I’ve really minimized the scene load. Normal, Full frame, Just Chatting, Zoom, starting, brb. I’ve stopped doing intros, I’ve stopped tweeting go-lives. I got rid of schedules, but I keep the one in discord just to help plan what I might be doing for the week. I did two streams yesterday and it felt right. Sometimes you just need a longer than 5 minute break to refresh.

I am over the moon. Things are improving. I’ve also got down to 450lbs again. I want the first number to be a 3 so bad. Then a 2… etc.

Reclaiming a Little that was Lost

Well now, lots of changes since my last update to this hidden little blog.

I’ve started showing my mug on stream again a little bit. For now, it’s only for special things, eating beans, when I really need to convey an emotion or show off. I really wish the technology would catch up to me as far as my avatar. Hah!

I’ve also finally come to realize that I just can’t stream more than 2 hours at a stretch right now. I’m not sure if it’s health reasons or just mental, or what. But right at the 90 minute mark I start getting antsy and 2 hours I’m just done. It’s exhausting. So, in light of this I’ve done away with days off. I’m shooting for consistency.

This time, I’m not going to be unrealistic and a week from now try to do a 24 hour stream or whatever. I need to build up a solid base of say, a month of 2 hour streams, then I can work on either trying to increase the daily time or just learn that this is my new limit; and maybe figure out how to stream twice a day with dayjob…

Things to ponder.

In any case being willing to show my face more means beans came back as a once-per-stream-only sub goal thing which I am so much more OK with. Mustard’s hanging around still on the wheel but I need a better way to get the wheel spun. Not sure how. Also charity goals.

Oh, and just FYI Youtube is just a VoD repository now. If I feel like I could make a video about something, I will. I did that with the headband unboxing.

Well in any case that’s all for now. Who loves ya baby?

Been a minute!

I haven’t updated in here in a bit – but there’s been a lot going on.

Since I rebranded YouTube back to my name, I’ve been cranking out the Duck Facts every day (well 7 every Sunday and scheduling them) and that’s been going really well! I enjoy making them, and a couple people get a giggle out of them!

I’ve been concentrating more on Twitch and it’s been helping my mood too. I’m a lot less stressed. I recently dropped GIFbot because it was not working right anymore – come to find out that I was oh, several years of revisions behind. The new one acts as a webservice you attach a browser source to OBS, and it is INSTANT ON and working a helluva lot better. Inbetween doing this update I gave other various means of doling out the free animations and they all ended up failing for various reasons. Even using Twitch currency with a backend cooldown – asking chat to do anything is a recipe for failure every time. There’s always new people who don’t know, or people who don’t pay attention, or people who complain about it, or people who refuse.. etc etc etc.

In ANY case – the brand spanking new bot is running great, and I have it running under the Disc0bot banner. I have yet to add more than the most basic animations to it, and will be making a hidden !menu page on the site for it as well.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Who loves ya, baby? -70s

Rebranding Nostalgic Gaming

Well, it was an interesting experiment. But honestly it seems like I keep shooting myself in the foot when it comes to SEO. I should have everything with just my name on it to make it all stick and be easy to find, right? *sigh*

So – nostalgic gaming is no more as a channel, now it’s just a playlist on youtube.com/fromthe70s

Let me know if you see a link that is incorrect, I’ve tried to change them all! XD