Category Archives: Update

Hey Cuties – as you can see I’ve adapted (and am continuing to adapt) Tanandra.com to be where I blog, post important updates, etc. I guess I’ll even link these posts in the Discord somehow. I wonder if I can automate it. Hmm. Anyway!

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and I think I’ve finally come to the decision to make these changes. To use Tanandra.com as my hub not just for holding links to my socials, of which there is now one less, but to do this kind of update post! Hooray for progress!

Apologies if it seems kind of sudden but honestly, with what is going on at the blue bird I can’t support using it anymore. I don’t begrudge anyone else, like people who play Overwatch or use Facebook – there’s too many other people engaged to get everyone to stop supporting such shitty companies. They are literally everywhere and in everything – but I honestly can’t use a platform that rightfully bans pedophiles, rapists and murderers, and then just lets them back on the site like nothing happened. Fuck that shit, I’m out. Were these COLOSSAL FUCKING MISTAKES to be corrected I may come back, I may not, I don’t know right now.

I did a long twitter post about having started this streaming expedition 6 years so I won’t rehash what’s in the tweet. It’s here. (If you can’t see it, tell me, I’ll rehost it somewhere.)

I figured I’d use the blog to talk more about.. all the little changes along the way. I started with no cam or anything. Then I added webcam, then disco lights, lasers, the disco ball, then greenscreen, back and forth on that for a while and the whole time I was growing out my beard.

I was playing around with vTubing and was really having a hard time getting the webcam to pick up my face. So I ended up shaving the beard. I regretted it only because I felt like I was *SUPPOSED* to have it, not because I particularly enjoyed having it.

I ended up growing another one out but I really didn’t like it. So I feel like once I got over the shock of it – it seemed much more natural for me to not have it, and then of course to transition. I don’t want to be the bearded lady. Or do I? Hmm. No. I don’t. LOL

Anyway, things are moving right along. I can’t believe it’s already been 6 years – but at the same time it feels much longer. Thanks for being here for it. 😉 -Tan

Well, here I am back again. New month, new blog post I guess.

Things are going.. well! I’m out; but I still don’t pass so really the only thing giving me apprehension is having to deal with the public. Which right now, if I can just deal with being misgendered and deadnamed I can get anything DONE, it just sucks. I dare not wear a skirt outside yet.

But, I see the changes happening. I feel them too. It’s subtle. But I’ve only been on HRT for 3 months and we are still trying to dial in my doses on things. But – It’s September. I decided this was the path for me to be on in March, so this is my 6 month update. XD

Did I mention being out at work? It’s so amazing. I even got my name changed so that I don’t have to sweat getting my legal name changed just yet. Since I live in Texass, I will have to wait until I’ve been on HRT a year according to some sources; which is fine with me. I’m not trying to be stealth but I despise dealing with the public anyway. People are getting MORE entitled and think they can just say anything they fucking want to anyone anymore. I just want to be left alone, let me wear my mask and fuck off. *sigh* So much for my body, my choice eh? Anyway before this devolves into a rant…

Love your faces. ?

This is an open letter to those I cut out of my life that might eventually read this:

I am sorry. 
I was scared. 
I didn’t know what to do and I panicked.

You know, you think you are ready for anything and you are ready to rely on your friends and nothing’s gonna stand in your way, not tonight!! Transformers power ballad aside, I know I fucked up, and again, I’m sorry.

I was so deathly afraid to transition in the real world, but I needed it so badly that I thought the only solution was to literally isolate myself and just get it done.  But here I am just about 6 months in and I’m feeling sheepish.  Hell if Will Smith can apologize 6 months later, so can I.

If you can’t accept it, I totally get it and it would be for the best if we both just moved on. 

If you can though, please let me know. I’ll get you a beer or something. Thanks.

-Tan

P.S.: If you don’t know if this applies to you it doesn’t. 🙂 Still love you anyway!

P.S.S: If you haven’t guessed since the last blog post – yeah I’m on HRT, it’s been 2 months. Still fat. X(

P.S.S.S.: No I don’t expect estrogen to make me thin, I understand how this.. nevermind.

I uh.. came out. I’m trans. MtF. End of update. XD

No really, after hemming and hawing for what 30 some odd years, I finally got down off the damn fence. No wonder I’ve not given a single shit about my appearance, my physical form. My brain is wired so fucky. When everything is going great I’m miserable. But now at least I know the root cause.

I have multiple stories I could point to that should have been ah-ha moments, but I’m just dumb as hell. Wearing female armor on my male character in UO is the earliest virtual thing I can think back to. I do also recall sneakily crossdressing as a teen and loving it. Having a damn near lucid dream of being a woman and having sex many, many times. Oh wow huh you think that would have clued me in?

*sigh* No time to cry over spilled milk ha ha ha

Plan:
1. Lose 200 lbs.
2. Start HRT.
3. See where we go from there.